Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
