TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
