I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
