Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
