the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
