You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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