dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We need to get me chipped asap
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
