How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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