She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
