Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
