it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
