he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
