she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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