You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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