I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
