he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have fence marks all over my body
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
