no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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