if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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