Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
