Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
