Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just invented taco cereal.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
