I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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