Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize