and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
one two three fourrrrnication!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
