Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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