I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize