where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
