Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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