We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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