The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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