Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
