I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
