it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
