Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
