it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
