i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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