1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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