you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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