I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
