I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
