Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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