I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
