things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
