What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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