i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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