So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
