the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
