just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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