he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
