I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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