Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
