Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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