On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
