your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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