Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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