Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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