You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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