bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
