# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
