I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
