woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
