So drunk its hurt
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
