Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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