I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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