my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
