So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so let's talk penis.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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