I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
