i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
