you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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