I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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