If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I need moral support for this bender
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My penis needs a shock collar
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
