Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
