I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
