hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
