Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
