escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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