I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
