Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
